We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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