Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
