my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
