Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
