im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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