the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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