I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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