i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
