At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
