I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
