Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
NoShamevember. You game?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
