Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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