everyone is single if you try hard enough
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
