fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
