Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
