my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
