I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
