there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
