dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
