I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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