just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
