i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
