i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
