When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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