i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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