she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
