they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
