so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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