Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
