pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
