i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
