Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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