Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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