chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
