I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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