i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
