69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The air was thick with penises
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
