How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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