I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
