I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
