Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
