he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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