The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
