hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
