life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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