You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
