I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
