dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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