I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
