? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You're like the curious george of whores
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
