jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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