don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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