i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
