i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
