So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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