So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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